Wine Country Times

After this morning’s group, the women scrambled to move the desks and set the space for the (Sobriety) Stone Ceremony. Bags and books, papers are heard in the shuffle over the excitement of someone completing their commitment to treatment. A quilt with butterflies, the emblem of Women’s Recovery Services, covers the table while a string of white twinkling lights adorns the edge. The guest of honor is yet to be invited in. The women set up the circle of chairs. Those that would support her journey are welcomed in to wait for her arrival.    

The Stone Ceremony marks the completion of this part of the journey. Every woman looks forward to her turn. It is a statement of accomplishment and commitment to a new beginning. All the reasons, all the motivators, all the dreams that have found their way back to her heart with a glimmer of hope, are layered in her thoughts as the ceremony begins.   

There are many types of ceremony where stones are used; Oathing Stone Ceremony is an old Scottish tradition where the couple place their hands upon a stone while saying their wedding vows. Other similar ceremony includes blessing stones or wishing stones, where the participants add their blessing or a wish for the persons receiving the stones. 

In the Sobriety Stone Ceremony, the circle of community is made up of the women in the treatment center that share in her experience. They have shared in her journey, seen her struggles, and have experienced her transformation. The circle of community speaks to a new beginning upon the road ahead. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous talks about the 12 Promises, “You will know a new freedom”, and about “trudge (walk with purpose) the road to happy destiny” which is fitting. It is only 90 days, but it has been 90 days that can change the rest of her life, and the lives of her children, one day at a time.  

We remember the day she arrived, the tired look on her face. The pain in her eyes tells of the shame and guilt she experienced when her children were taken or were impacted by her drug use. We remember her tears when she found herself here.  We remember her on day one. 

Her focus is split from the life she held, to the things that crowd her mind, and the damage of a life in addiction. She has experienced loss of home, belongings, toxic relationships, her health and most inconsolable, the impact on her children. Perhaps they made it here, and they are timid, quiet or angry and robust. But either way, we take them, provide a safe home, and a place for her and her family to begin their healing.   

In the first 30 days, after assessment, planning and working together, she begins. The first week alone, women usually arrive mal-nourished, depleted and exhausted so the focus is on sleep and nutrition. She is fighting cravings and triggers as the body continues to withdraw from the effects of her drug use. She is dealing with hormonal changes, if she delivered a baby. She is scheduled for medical exams, prenatal care, and services necessary for her well-being and that of her children or fetus. And in her mind, she may struggle with the whispers of the toxic life she fights to leave behind. 

Each day goes by and soon she is learning new skills, non-violent communication, Seeking Safety, and many other evidence-based curriculum. Somedays she bumps heads with old behavior, familiar but not helpful. She is challenged to work through those times. Some days she is overwhelmed and somedays, she can’t get enough. For her, she finds answers she has searched for all her life.   

We discuss ACES (Adverse Childhood Effects) including trauma and adversity. We discuss having a strengths-based recovery, resilience and focusing on the skills that will help her to stay sober. We discuss the importance of her recovery and being in every part of the planning and advocacy to her program. By day 60, she has learned the basics of recovery, the disease concept of addiction, and the impact of addiction on her and her family. She has begun to address the triggers and build coping skills. She has attended Parenting classes, Relapse Prevention, 12 step, AA, NA, and other self-help groups, including establishing counseling. She has worked closely with collaborative agencies to reconcile the wreckage of her past. She has made fellowship calls, found a sponsor and attended several meetings. She continues to address legal issues, Child Custody treatment plans, visiting with children, public health visiting nurses, spending time reading to her newborn or just cuddling with them. She begins to regain her confidence, her true self and trust that this new way of life may be the answer to her desired dreams.   She wakes as early as 6:15 a.m. and is tired by lights out at 10:30 pm. The first few days seem eternal, and at day 89, it feels as if it came overnight. 

The Clinical team discusses this woman’s progress. The treatment plan is reviewed. Did she complete recovery goals, action items, and medical appointments, counseling, classes, and reunification with her child? Has she completed her recovery exit plan?  The case manager reports that something has changed for the client. Somehow, through all, something changed in her. 

She has stayed sober. Her mind has cleared, and she has challenged her own way of thinking to learn new behavior, set healthy habits in place, like meditation, going to meetings, calling her sponsor and journaling. She has learned how to use new tools to deal with old behavior and advocate for a new way of life. She begins to reclaim her life, once lost to her addiction. She begins to believe in her own recovery, the possibility of healing for her and her children.  

The women wait for her to enter and the smiles and tears begin. The moment of silence grows and soon the case manager calls everyone to enter into the ceremony with positive thoughts, blessings or encouraging words for their sister.  

First, the coin given her signifies her 90 days and the emblem of the butterfly helps us to reflect a time of growth and inner reflection. The perspective of life is about to change as the caterpillar emerges from the cocoon a butterfly and spreads its wings to fly.  This is only the beginning. 

The case manager selected her ceremonial sobriety stone. Today, it is a beautiful translucent Pink Rose Quartz. This stone signifies a gentle warmth and love, as it heals emotional wounds and pain- opens the heart to the beauty within and all around her, and will begin to heal by reducing resentment. 

Each person cradles the stone in the warmth of her hand. They give a thoughtful moment of what has been their experience with this person. They each offer a blessing or a word to place into the stone: Courage, strength resilience, love, joy, inspiration, sobriety, family, hope are the words that land on the stone. The women continue as each one makes her offering until the room is filled with the glow and reverence of this moment, the unity of this community, that she does not walk alone. 

She is encouraged to use all her coping strategies, and healing in her new venture forward. She is reminded to face what unfolds with honesty, openness and willingness in a journey that is beginning, not ending.  The stone, and the coin are placed in her hands. She shares her heart, her dreams and her gratitude at this new opportunity.  The circle joins hands and we stand strong together in the closing circle, often a prayer of choice of the participant,  or a hearty “keep coming back, it works!” . 

The front door bell rings, and most times, it is a new client arriving and sometimes it is a woman returning to share her story. In this last year alone, I have opened the front door to women stopping by to reconnect. “I have 13 years and my son is now in high school.”  I have 25 years, and I make it a point to sponsor women from WRS.” “I have 30 years – I will never forget what WRS provided for me!”  

There’s the doorbell. Really, I know … perfect timing. Day one.    

Diane Madrigal, Executive Director – Women’s Recovery Services, A Unique Place.